We all have memories of learning how to pray. I remember my mother practicing the Our Father and other prayers with me as I swung in our basement. This was for my Wednesday catechism classes. My friend’s Italian mother used the Hail Mary, which speaks of “fruit of thy womb,” to teach her about the birds and bees.

On these cold, dark, dreary days, (at least here in Ohio) I offer more humorous anecdotes to warm your heart. Last week they were related to religion. This week these thirteen true stories from the Sisters of Notre Dame have to do with children and prayer. Maybe you or your children have mangled a rote prayer with a funny result. If so, please share this in a comment.

Funny or Sweet Responses

First-Century Planes

The school was assembled in the gym for the Stations of the Cross. A special microphone system had been set up. Everyone was finally in place and hushed, waiting for the Lenten devotion to begin. A first grader was the first one to the microphone. In a strong voice he announced, “The First Station, the pilot said Jesus must die!” The Roman governor Pontius Pilate was thereby acquitted.

Divine Affirmation

During the first graders’ religion class, Sister invited, “Now let’s close our eyes and listen to what God is saying to us.” It was very quiet as the children prayed silently. After a short time, Sister asked, “Can anyone tell us what God said to them?”

One hand went up, and a small boy reported, “Kevin, you’re my best invention.”

Semi-Contrition

A second grader preparing for First Reconciliation was practicing the Act of Contrition. He began, “O my God, I am partly sorry.”

A Happy Ending

When November 2 came along, the second graders learned about the poor souls in purgatory. At least one child remembered the lesson—at least partially. A few days later during the morning prayers of petition, Andrea prayed, “For the repose of the soul of my uncle. He was killed in a car accident but is doing much better now.”

Rote Prayers

Despite the rule that no children may enter the building during recess, one day two young girls appeared at the principal’s office and announced, “Sister Regina, we saw the Blessed Virgin above the garages.”

            “Is that so? Did you tell the teacher out there?” Sister asked.

            “Yes,” the girls shook their heads. “She saw Mary too.”

            Deciding that this needed to be investigated, Sister Regina went outside and walked over to the teacher.

            “Yes,” the teacher confirmed, “some clouds were in the shape of the Blessed Virgin.”

            Sister Regina asked, the girls, “What did you do when you saw Mary?”

            “Well,” one girl replied, “we said our First Communion prayers, then we prayed a Hail Mary, and then we said the Pledge Allegiance to the Flag.”

A Fan

In the school chapel was a book in which the students recorded petitions. To the amusement of the faculty, one petition read, “That Sister Mary Judith Ann may continue to teach.”

The Lord’s Sabbath

The students were writing acrostic prayers to God based on their names. Each letter in their name began a phrase of their prayer. Maurene’s prayer was quite unusual. For one E in her name she had written, “Eternal rest grant unto you, O Lord.”

A Parent’s Prank?

Sister Thomasin told her third graders that for homework they were to bring to school pictures of people they should pray for. To her surprise, one student came with a picture of Lady Godiva.

Greeting Gabriel

Sister asked her first graders what Mary said when the angel appeared to her. A quick-thinking lad answered, “She probably said, ‘Angel of God, my guardian dear.’ ”

It’s All Relative

When praying intercessory prayers, Sister Regina’s fourth graders prayed only for family members and pets. To teach the children to make their intentions more inclusive, Sister decided to act as a model. She began to offer prayers such as “For all police officers and firefighters who work to keep us safe” and “For people in hospitals and those who try to bring them back to good health.”

 One day Sister asked, “Does anyone notice that my prayers are different from everyone else’s?” Heads nodded vigorously. “How are they different?” Sister asked.

Mark responded, “Well, we all pray for our relatives. But you don’t seem to have any.”

Prayer Posture

The first graders were talking about prayer. Johnny informed everyone that he prayed every night. “Can you say your night prayers for me?” Sister de Xavier asked.

            The boy thought for a while and then asked, “Can I get on the floor?”   

“Sure,” Sister replied.

            Johnny got down on the floor, lay on his back, and folded his hands on his chest. Then he recited his night prayers.

False Alarm

Whenever fire engine sirens were heard during a lesson, Sister Ricarda and her students prayed for the firefighters and the people in danger. Sister discovered that this practice had made quite an impression on the children after she taught them the prayer for the faithful departed, who may be enduring the fires of purgatory.

One day she was surprised to hear some children praying, “Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and the souls of all the fire department, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.”

Messages from Heaven

After a time of quiet prayer, Sister Marie asked her first graders what God had said to them.

A child answered, “God told me he loves me.”

Another said, “God said, ‘Thank you for coming to Sunday school.’ ”

To one child, God sounded just like her parents. She said, “God told me to turn down the TV.”

Your Turn

So what garbled versions of prayers have you heard?

Who taught you to pray? How?

What is your favorite prayer(s)?