Lessons from a Hobby: Tatting
I learned to tat, a form of lace making, on a bus. As we rode along on the way to a funeral for a Sister’s mother, I noticed a Sister seated across the aisle in front of me doing strange things with her fingers. Curious, going home, I sat beside her, and she gave me a shuttle along with a ball of thread and taught me this art. Lesson one: You never know how your life will unfold.
The thin thread used to tat easily becomes knotted. You can either cut the thread and begin again or carefully work out the knot. Lesson two: With patience and perseverance you can solve your problems.
My first products were delicate flowers. Our maintenance man, whose last name happened to be the same as mine, had an aunt in California, who happened to be a Sister of Notre Dame like me. She happened to make stationery using tatted flowers and sold it. Since I didn’t like the messy, tricky task of gluing the seven petals onto paper, and she needed a source of flowers, I sent mine to her. Lesson three: Life is full of coincidences, otherwise known as God-incidences.
From making flowers, I graduated to making delicate items like a tatted shamrock for an Irish Sister, a white cross bookmark for a newly ordained priest, and green wreaths with a red ribbon to wear in Advent for the Sisters in my convent. Lesson four: You can always build on what you know.
I tried to show a Sister who taught home economics how to tat. She couldn’t master the first basic step when the thread must jump from one side to the other. Her conclusion was that I wasn’t a good teacher! Lesson five: Everyone has unique gifts.
I did successfully teach a young sister to tat. She was going to make a tatted heart and send it to her mother who lived out of state. When I asked if she had completed the project, she said it was in the mail. The next day I received a thank-you card with the Sister’s tatted heart. Lesson six: You never know how people will surprise you.
Often when I flew out of state to give talks, I whiled away the hours in the boarding section and on the plane tatting. Sadly, on one trip my ball of thread rolled down the middle aisle of the plane! Another time, two young men who had been stopped for carrying a hunting knife, sat behind me. One told me that his grandmother tatted.
My largest project was making edging for pillowcases I had embroidered. They were to be sold at our community’s boutique. But my mother said to my sister, “Kathleen spent years making them. I want to buy them.” Lesson seven: A mother’s love is constant. (Years later I inherited the pillowcases.)
Tatting has a long history. In the portraits of eighteenth-century noblewomen, some of them are holding shuttles, including Marie Antoinette. More important to me is the fact that St. Julie Billiart, our spiritual mother, made lace for a living. I’m following a fine tradition. If you examine some altar linens, you will find they are edged in tatting.
I’m sure Mother Mary also took pleasure in doing needlework. It is a calming activity, and you end up with a physical product. No doubt her mother, St. Anne, taught her to sew. I imagine that when Mary visited Elizabeth, the two or them sewed baby clothes. Later, surely the mother of Jesus made (and darned) clothes for herself and her two men. Maybe in their Nazareth home there was a loom.
Apparently, God too enjoys sewing. According to the psalmist, God knit you together in your mother’s womb. (Psalm 139:13) Also, after Adam and Eve sinned, “The LORD God made garments of skins for the man and for his wife and clothed them.” (Genesis 3:21)
My latest tatting project is decorating prayer cards with the tiny flowers. The Sister in California passed on, so I sometimes endure the painstaking task of straightening the petals with a straight pin and gluing them down to make mementos for people who make my retreats. The prayer card pictured here shows a favorite prayer of St. Teresa of Calcutta. She said, “If you ever feel distressed during your day — call upon our Lady — just say this simple prayer: ‘Mary, Mother of Jesus, please be a mother to me now.’ I must admit — this prayer has never failed me.”
I don’t tat much anymore. Instead I crochet baby blankets, mostly as I watch Jeopardy. I’m grateful that my mother taught my sisters and me to sew, crochet, and embroider. We also wove dozens of potholders on metal looms. I wonder if modern mothers teach their girls these skills.
• What kind of needlework do you enjoy doing? Who taught you?
A New You for the New Year
I’m watching the Hallmark movie “Three Wise Men and a Baby,” (very appropriate as Epiphany approaches). This movie is refreshingly different from other Hallmark movies, which are often mocked for having the same plots and details: a move from the city to a small town, saving a building or employment, following a dream, resentment changing to love, and ending with a kiss.
The unique movie is about three very different brothers who don’t get along: a shy and homophobic one; a creative, zany one who can’t keep a job; and an organized fireman. When a baby is dropped off at the fire station, the brothers must care for it the days before Christmas. The baby (who steals the show) brings the brothers together and they are reconciled—to their mother’s delight. The plot is charming, creative, and funny—as when the responsible brother accidentally takes the wrong baby home and when the three men reprise a Christmas ballet they did as children. (This movie is very different from the 1987 “Three Men and a Baby.”)
Now in 2024 you have the chance to make your life refreshingly different. You can change your morning routine by rising at a different time and eating a different breakfast. You can rearrange the furniture in your home and put up new pictures, go to a different restaurant or prepare a new meal yourself. Why not learn a new language—Chinese? Or take up an instrument—drums? This reminds me of the Christmas story of how Mary had just gotten Baby Jesus to sleep when she hears a boy playing a drum!
You might begin the new year by making that dentist or doctor appointment you’ve been putting off, cleaning that cluttered closet, or calling that family member or friend you’ve been out of touch with for a long time.
This morning an article in the New York Times advises renewing your energy during the day by taking a five-minute break once in a while in which you do nothing but breathe. I suppose you can also begin running or at least trying to walk 10,000 steps, or exercising to build up your energy.
My new spiritual practice to renew my soul will be to use a little book I received as a gift. For each day of the year it offers a Scripture verse and a page of blank lines. I intend to record at the end of the day pleasant things that happened. This will make me more mindful of God’s love for me and keep me positive. We’ll see how long I can keep this up!
Just as the brothers in the movie become friends, let’s pray that the Arabs and Jews, who come from the same stock, reconcile this year. Again it’s a baby, the Prince of Peace, who can bring this about. In view of the war in the Mideast and the war in Ukraine, and the conflict between US political parties, we certainly need a new year. This may be the year you reconcile with an estranged relative or friend and bring some peace into your life.
This year a new version of this website, Catholic Faith Corner, is about to be launched. Stay tuned!
• What new thing will you undertake to become a new you?
• What do you like/dislike about Hallmark movies?
Here is a version of “Let There Be Peace on Earth” that I like especially because of the quotations overlaid on the pictures. It is sung by Vince Gill and his daughter Jenny.
Have You Made a New Year’s Resolution?
Here’s a suggestion to improve your life this year: Revitalize your prayer. This month I’ve been writing a book about praying. I offer you one chapter today that might prompt an idea of how you can enrich your relationship with God by dispelling a misconception you might have about prayer.
• Prayer should be long. No.
I once asked my spiritual director if I should get up during the night, go to chapel, and spend a few hours praying. He wisely said, “No. That’s not your spirituality.” Frankly, I was relieved! As a consecrated religious, my prayer took other forms throughout the day. Prayer is not “one size fits all.” It is an individualized matter.
Jesus spent the whole night in prayer, and some saints were known to pray for hours at a time. These facts might lead you to think that the more time you spend during your period of prayer, the better it is. (Or the more likely it is that God will answer your prayer of petition!) Not necessary so. The quality of prayer depends on your purpose, attitude, and what your mind and heart are doing. Jesus criticized the Scribes for praying long prayers for the sake of appearance (Luke 46:47).
Short prayers can be effective. What do people cry out when their house is on fire? They do not scream, “A conflagration is devastating my abode.” They yell, “Fire!” Your most frequent prayer might be, “Help!” Someone suggested that the first prayer occurred when a person observed a blade of grass emerging from soil and exclaimed, “Oh!”
Keep in mind St. Augustine’s comment on the length of a prayer: “A long speech is one thing, a long love another.”
• Prayer should result in a torrent of wonderful thoughts. No.
Don’t worry if your meditation doesn’t yield a slew of original insights. It doesn’t matter if at Mass you fail to glean enough knowledge to write a book. So what if as you pray the Rosary, God doesn’t reveal a course of action to undertake? Knowledge is not the goal of prayer. Love is.
Perhaps the grace that comes from prayer is not an idea at all. Instead, you may experience a moment of joy that is precious and consoling. Your prayer may leave you with a tear in your eye because you are moved with love for God or contrition. Maybe a sense of peace will come over you while you are in the midst of a maelstrom. Maybe a new desire will be born in you or a resolution.
Prayer shouldn’t be an ego-trip. What you get out of prayer is not important. Just being there, making yourself available to God is genuine prayer. It pleases God who craves your attention.
• Prayer should be formal. No.
St. Teresa of Avila advised, “Try not to let the prayer you make to such a Lord be mere politeness . . . avoid being bashful with God.” In Fiddler on the Roof Tevye’s conversation with God is a good example of informal prayer. To him prayer is not so much a duty but a visit with a friend. You don’t address a friend as “thou.” Prayer can be as simple as that of one little girl who was learning to ride a bike. She said, “God if you push me, I’ll do the peddling.”
Forget about trying to impress God with grand words and lofty ideas. He knows you through and through and loves you even when you stutter or speak in monosyllabic words.
Being real and honest with God might mean giving full play to your emotions. This is how the psalmist spoke to God in the psalms of lament. For example, repeatedly in Psalm 13 he complained, “How long, O Lord? How long?”
• Prayer is difficult. No.
You don’t find it hard to talk with a loved one or good friend. Surely God is your best friend. Probably the most difficult part of praying for many people is finding a free span of time to do it. However, just sending God quick “arrow” prayers throughout the day will keep your relationship intact. You could also pray rote prayers or prayers that other people have composed.
As for various prayer methods, you needn’t strive to master them to perfection. James Finley reports that the Trappist Thomas Merton once gave him insight into prayer. He recalls, “Merton once told me to quit trying so hard in prayer. He said, ‘How does an apple ripen? It just sits in the sun.’ You needn’t struggle to pray. Recall that Jesuit Thomas Greene describes the higher form of prayer as floating as opposed to swimming. Meister Eckhart advised, “Get out of the way and let God be God in you.”
The most satisfying prayer is simply being in God’s presence. An elderly married couple is content to sit together silently for hours. No words are necessary. They bask in the flow of their love for each other.
• I am not worthy to speak to God. No.
True, God is majestic and far beyond our comprehension. You might feel very small in his presence. Still, every person, though sinful, is a child of God, loved even before brought into being. Furthermore, God redeemed everyone, including you. Jesus went out of his way to be with sinners. No matter how underserving of God’s love you feel, he wants you to enjoy being in his company. He doesn’t listen to you only when you are good. It’s said that when you feel far from God, he isn’t the one who moved.
• Deep prayer is only for great saints. No.
Yes, St. Teresa of Avila was overwhelmed with ecstasy, St. Joseph Cupertino levitated, and St. Catherine of Siena had visions. These were extraordinary graces. All of us are called to be holy, to be saints. You were redeemed and baptized. You do not have to be super intelligent or super good in order to experience deep, profound prayer. God showers his gifts, including the gift of prayer, on whomever he wishes.
It could be you were rapt in wonder at the starry sky or a newborn. Maybe a glorious Mass or a passage from Scripture moved you to tears. Those instances are deep prayer. You possibly are a great saint in the making.
• What is your favorite way to pray? What new method would you like to adopt this year?
A LOVELY CHRISTMAS DUET
In honor of the Christmas season, here is a video that you might enjoy:
https://www.facebook.com/LegendaryVocals/videos/1756407958209768/
The Importance of Stars
Did you know that Star Street, emblazoned with stars, leads into Bethlehem? It symbolizes the star that led the Magi to the Infant Jesus. Mary, nine-months pregnant, and her husband, Joseph, may have come down this street as they entered the town for the census. Presumably the Magi also followed this route. Sadly, the usual Christmas celebrations in Bethlehem are drastically curtailed because of the war.
In school we were pleased and proud when the teacher placed a star on our paper. It showed that we had done “stellar” work. We call people who are outstanding in their field “stars.” Today Taylor Swift is a prominent one; she graces the cover of Time as its Person of the Year. The article about her explains, “Every year contains light and dark; 2023 was a year with significant shares of darkness. In a divided world, where too many institutions are falling, Taylor Swift found a way to transcend borders and be a source of light.”
A top recognition for actors and actresses is a star on Broadway’s Walk of Fame. Movie stars and pop stars make our lives happier and brighter.
Of course, the greatest star of all time is Jesus. He is God “fallen” to Earth to save humankind. By dint of hard work and pain, he achieved great success. Stars give off light; Jesus called himself the Light of the World. He brought us out of the darkness of sin and death and taught us truth. A star-studded sky is so beautiful that we gaze on it filled with wonder. The prophet Isaiah foretold about Jesus, “Your eyes will see the king in his beauty” (Isaiah 33:17).
We Are Stars
Scientists confirm that we are made of stardust. A whopping 97% of our bodies are composed of the same elements as the stars. Jesus said that we are to be light for the world, to be who we were made to be.
You may have sung, “This little Christian light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” How can you be a star? By radiating love to others by your smile, kind words and deeds, expressions of gratitude, and by reminding others that on Christmas we celebrate Jesus’s birth. In these ways you will lead people to Jesus like the star led the wise men from the East to him. You might be a star to someone who is finding this Christmas difficult because of the loss of a loved one, a job, or good health.
Someone, probably several people, may have acted as a guiding star for you. My mother showed me how to be kind. My seventh and eighth grade teachers (Sister Sharone and Sister John Francis) showed me the way to the Notre Dame convent. My high school English teachers Sister Laboure and Sister Leola set me on the path to writing.
Advent’s End
This week the fourth and last candle on the Advent wreath will be lit. You might have a white pillar candle in the center, representing Jesus. Strangely, this year the fourth week of Advent is less than a day! You can make up for this by continuing to await and prepare for the day when Jesus will come in all his glory at the end of time. He will usher in the kingdom that “has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God is its light, and its lamp is the Lamb” (Revelation 21:23). Until then, keep shining!
My wish for you is that you have a Merry Christmas with family and friends and that your New Year sparkles with many blessings!
This is one of my favorite Christmas songs: “Shepherds and Kings.” Wish it had beautiful pictures to go with it.
- Who has been a shining star in your life?
Prove You Love Yourself!
One of my memories is that of my nephew as a toddler clinging to his mother’s leg and saying, “I need some loving.” She responded by picking him and hugging him. All of us need loving. The primary human being we need love from is us. Loving ourselves is not a sin. In fact, Jesus implicitly expects us to do so when he states the second greatest commandment: Love your neighbor as yourself.
Why Love Yourself?
You are a magnificent creature, made in God’s image and likeness. You have talents and marvelous features like an opposable thumb, a heart that beats at least 86,000 times a day, and a mind that can solve a sudoku puzzle (maybe). You are unique and destined for immortality. God loves you as the apple of his eye (whatever that is). He even took on flesh and bones and died for you. If you are worthy of such divine love, surely you can love yourself!
What Is Love?
To love someone is to will the best for that person. When you love someone, you try to please them, care for them, think well of them, support them, and give them joy. These characteristics hold true for loving yourself.
How Do You Love Yourself?
Here are some practical ways to be your own best friend:
1. Take care of yourself. Make your well-being, body and soul, the top priority. The fifth commandment, “Thou shalt not kill,” has a corollary: “Thou shalt not harm oneself.” Self-care involves staying healthy by eating the right foods and in the right amounts, sleeping enough, exercising daily at least by walking, and avoiding too much alcohol and drugs. Self-care also means safeguarding mental health: letting go of grudges and anger, staying clear of stress, and seeking professional help when needed.
2. Be kind to yourself. Show compassion for your failings and forgive yourself. God does. Don’t judge or criticize yourself or harbor shame or guilt. No one is perfect except Jesus and Mary. Avoid negative thoughts about yourself. Tune out that voice in your head that says things like “How can you be so stupid?” or “No wonder no one likes you” or “You’re so lazy.”
3. Carve out “me time” without feeling guilty. Do something you enjoy: read a historical romance, listen to music, watch a Hallmark movie, crochet, bake chocolate chip cookies, call (don’t email) a friend, dance, look at old photos that bring up pleasant memories, work a crossword puzzle or put together a jigsaw puzzle. Play! Go outside to be rejuvenated so you breathe the fresh air and feel the sun on your skin. Walk in the woods alone or with someone. Watch a sunrise or sunset in silence.
4. Spend time with people who bring you joy. These are the ones who accept you for who you are and make you laugh.
5. Give self-affirmations. Be your own cheerleader and say things to yourself like “I’m proud of you,” “Good going!” “You’re making progress,” “Hey, your hair turned out good today.”
Celebrate and reward yourself for achieving a goal or at least making a valiant effort.
8. Surround yourself at home with things that bring you joy. Pictured is the needlepoint picture my sister made me for my twenty-fifth jubilee. It’s on my bedroom wall. Clearing up clutter will lift your spirits too.
6. Protect yourself. Don’t be afraid to say no. Be assertive. Don’t let others take advantage of you.
Stop comparing yourself to others or competing with them.
Don’t try to be perfect. You won’t be. And don’t be a people pleaser. You can’t please everyone anyway. As a friend remarked, “You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.” It doesn’t really matter what others think of you. What matters is what you think of yourself.
7. Ask for help when you could use it. You are not wonder woman or superman. I used to tell my elderly mother, “Letting others do an act of charity for you is an act of charity.”
9. Focus on what you are grateful for. You might think your ears are too big, but, my, look at your beautiful eyes! Thank God.
At the end of each day think of one lovely thing that happened. You might be surprised. Yesterday one of our employees shared with me his excitement at finding a tiny book of Mass readings far back in a cabinet in his mother’s house. It had the last name of one of our Sisters in it. Another employee took me one evening to see how gorgeous our Christmas tree looked, doubled in its reflection in the window. On Sunday while I played the piano, a little girl whose front teeth were just emerging came over with a folded copy of “Silent Night.” She had been begging for someone to play it, and I happened to be there.
10. Pamper yourself. Soak in the tub, get a manicure, buy your favorite candy, use the fragrant hand lotion or soap you’ve been saving, get your hair done, buy flowers and set them where you can enjoy them, splurge on a new dress or suit.
11. Stay positive. If you walk over a board on the floor and think you will fall, chances are you will. Don’t assume that the worst will happen. If it does, examine it for some good effect. There may be more than one. For example, after a natural disaster, largehearted responders and charitable organizations appear. Victims help one another and, undaunted, pledge to rebuild.
Think about those people who loved and supported you in the past and those who do so now.
Don’t complain to others. Venting increases your distress.
Make a list of your positive traits to fall in love with yourself.
12. Learn something new, maybe a foreign language or how to play an instrument or pickleball or how to sew. Try a new recipe.
13. Accept what you can’t change. This will protect you from sadness, frustration, and stress.
While I was viewing something on YouTube, a different video popped up. It is a moving, inspiring story of the origin of the hymn “It Is Well with My Soul.” Hugh Bonneville (of Downton Abbey fame) narrates the story while actors perform it. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings the hymn. You will find the video here. I think you will like it.
• What do you think about yourself? What do you feel about yourself?
• What is one loving thing you can do for yourself today?
